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You will never to be able to control people, but you will be able to let people control themselves in ways that benefit you. If you tell people what to do, they may not listen to you and will probably resent you. You must get people to do what they want to do, while you influence their control over themselves.

This report will show you how to do that.

There are two ways to get people to do what you want. The first, behavior modification, allows you to change a person's undesirable behaviors by using positive reinforcement. The second method of influencing is reality modification. We'll concentrate most of our attention on this. This influencing technique is successful because of the way in which your requests are presented. In this report, I will show you how to get anything. The secret to getting what you want is the way you go about getting it.

There are three main goals people subconsciously seek. They are:

1. Symbolic rewards 2. Material gains 3. Security

We all have the need for symbolic rewards, such as recognition and praise. Everybody wants to feel important and special. The act of praising and recognizing another is a strong motivator. Always rewards good deeds with praise and give positive, constructive criticism for bad deeds. If you are patient, in time you will see the results of your compliments.


Material rewards mean a lot to people, whether they realize it or not. In any capitalist society, a person's status is judged by his material gains. Therefore, since money produces material gain, it is a strong motivator, and its presence can have a strong influence on others.


Everyone needs security and stability. Security is attained when people feel they belong and are needed by others. People want security in their jobs, friends, family, etc. There are many ways to increase other people's feelings of security:

a) Let people know what you have to offer and what you expect from them in return. Tell them why the relationship you have with them is the way it is.

b) Make people feel that they are needed and belong in the relationship with you. Show a need for their presence.

c) Let others know what their efforts are accomplishing and how they are affecting you. Make them feel important and special to you. Show them that their efforts are appreciated.

d) Make sure that parties in the relationship are compatible

Make sure people are comfortable in their relationships with you. If they are not, find out why and do something about it.

 Know What You Want

Have a clear idea in your mind about what to achieve. Whether it be changing another person's undesirable behaviors or persuading him to accept your point of view. Fix this idea of what you want to achieve firmly in your mind. Know exactly what you want, and clarify any vague objectives you may have. Clarity of personal purpose is the first step to putting your influencing abilities to work.

 Understand Expectations

Have a clear understanding of what others expect of you and what you actually expect of yourself. People often set unrealistic expectations for themselves by gathering up all of the good qualities they see in others, and trying to have them all within themselves. No one expects you to be perfect.

 Be Persistent

Resolve to do everything better and be persistent until you attain the results you've been trying to achieve. Anything worth doing once is worth doing again and again. Don't let rejection or any other negative experience stop you. Learn from mistakes, better yourself, and keep on going.

 You Must Give in Order to Receive

The old cliché, "there' no such thing as free lunch," is a fact of life. If you want to receive something, learn to pay for it. Some things may have higher prices than others, and some things may have a higher value to you than others. Examine your options carefully and match what you can give with what you want to receive.

 Pay Attention to People

People will help you get where you want to go. It will never be easy for you to make it alone. People can teach you and help you become more influential with others. Listen to other people and learn from them.

 Expect A Lot

When you expect a lot, you can get a lot. Your expectations of others and yourself will become reality. Whatever you expect to happen will happen. If you push yourself hard, you will start to see results.

 Build A Positive Atmosphere

When you create a "win, win, win" situation, you will start to win. When you start to think positively, your life will start to be positive.

 Promise A Lot, Deliver More

Promise people a lot, and then give them more. This is the way the highest achievers have made it. Tell people what you will do for them, and then do more.

 Give People What They Want

If you want things from others, you must first give. Don't expect others to make the first move - you have to. If you want to get ahead in life and be successful, you must make the first move. Everybody has certain goals and objectives they wish to achieve. If you can help them reach their goals and objectives, they will want to return the favor. Give people what they want and you will always be ahead.

Listening is one of the most important necessities of human communication. If you don't listen to people, you are missing out on one of the best ways to influence people. People will always listen to you when you listen to them. One of the greatest influencing tools is listening. When you listen to what's on a person's mind, you will find that communication barriers are broken. Even if you think you know what they are going to say, listen to them. If you are a bad listener, people

will think that you are not interested in them. People will like you if listen to them. How do you feel about people who listen to what you have to say? Isn't your admiration for them high? Others will feel the same way about you.

 Eliminate All Distractions

Distractions inhibit good talkers and listeners. It is important that you remove all distractions when listening to another person. You want to create a very warm and comfortable atmosphere for the talker.

 What Questioning Will Do

Questions we ask people arouse their thinking processes. When you arouse people's think processes, you give them the chance to express their own ideas and feelings. The only way you will find out what you want to know about another is by asking questions. If you are able to help people think on their own they will respect you and like you. You have been able to do something for them that they were not able to do for themselves. By listening to others, you also fulfill their need to feel important. Through your concern, they feel special.

 Keep the Conversation Open

In order to listen, you must keep the conversation open. Some people won't tell you everything on their minds, so you may have to question them to keep the conversation going. All of your questions should relate to who, what, why, where, when and how.

 What Questions Do You Ask?

The questions you ask must have a specific purpose. If they don't, you will lose credibility. You must ask questions the person understands. Don't confuse other people by asking complicated questions, such as questions with many parts. Ask them one part of a question at a time. Try to get others to tell you "why." "Why" is one of the best questions to ask people. The reason for asking people questions is to get definite answers. Your questions should prompt definite answers, and they should discourage others from guessing at the answers. The therapeutic value of questioning is lost when people guess at answers.

 How to Resolve an Argument by Listening

I have solved many arguments just by listening. It may be hard to believe, but it really works. It works when someone is trying to get his point across to you, and when he is yelling and telling you how right he is. Even if the argument is meaningless, here is how to deal with the situation so that you come out on top.

The first thing you should do is listen to what the person has to say without once interrupting. This is where your listening skill will come in handy. You should say "yes" or "I understand" occasionally to show the other person that you are really listening. It is important that you agree with the other person's point of view. If you don't think the other person is right, you must at least let the other person know that you understand his point of view. When the other person is finished saying what he had to say, ask him, "What can I do for you?" This statement throws many people off because they don't expect it. You will find, after using this technique that most people give in to your point of view. The reason for this is that all people really want is for someone to listen to them.

It is very important to listen to what other people have to say. It is also important for others to listen to what you have to say. This chapter will teach you how to create the most impact from what you say.

 Get The Other Person's Attention

The first thing you must do when trying to make a point is to get the other person's attention. Make sure the other person is listening to you before you begin talking. If the other person is not listening to you, then you are wasting your time trying to get through to him.

 Make Your Message Understood

Make sure your message can be fully understood by the other people. Don't use language or terms the other person will not understand.

 Fill Your Message With Benefits

People want to hear what you will do for them, not what you want from them. Fill your message with benefits. The following two sentences show how this concept works. "I can show you how to be a better person if you listen to me" is much more appealing than. "Listen to me because I am smarter than you."

 Begin Discussions with Agreements

When you begin a conversation, open with something about which you have a mutual understanding and on which both of you can agree. Here is an example of this concept: IF you want someone to turn the lights off when not in use, you should not say, "keep the lights off, you *@$!!"; instead, you should say "We both want to conserve energy, don't we? So could you please turn off the lights when you leave the room?"

 Give Reasons For Your Requests

Don't tell someone to do something just because you want him to, or because it is a policy or rule. Give him a reason to listen to you. If you ask someone to follow a policy or rule, tell him why you expect him to follow it. Don't just tell someone to do something - give him a benefit-oriented reason for doing it.

 Changing Subjects

If you are going to change subject during a conversation, tell the listener that you will be moving on to another subject. If you confuse your listener, he may not listen. It is easier for a person not to listen at all than to try to follow a confusing conversation.

More on "effective talking" can be found in the section on criticizing others.

We sometimes think that people are resisting us when they're only trying to protect themselves. People often put up defensive fronts to portray themselves as people they are not. If you can get behind their fronts, dealing with defensive people becomes easy.

 Defensive People

Very few defensive people actually realize they are defensive. They often feel they are acting in the best interests of others. In many cases, an outsider can see defensiveness in a person that the person is completely unaware of. People who shy away from any type of risk, or people who are constantly making excuses, have weaknesses within themselves. They project insecurities about themselves onto others. A person, who constantly brags about his intelligence may, in fact, be insecure about it. So, for his own reassurance, he tries hard to convince others that he is smart. In some situations, he may become an "over-achiever" to compensate for his weaknesses. For example, he may sacrifice his social life and devote all of his time to schoolwork.

People who ridicule others for being poor achievers may be trying to hide the fact that they are poor achievers themselves. In this way, they project their own faults onto others instead of admitting them to themselves. When you encounter a person like that, don't just write him off as big mouth or a total loss. The best thing you can do is to make that person shut up. This will alleviate the problem temporarily, but the problem can only be eliminated permanently by the person himself.

 Criticize the Act, Not the Person

 The reason for criticizing other people is to modify their behavior. We want other people's attitude or behaviors to change because they are wrong. If you criticize people for being stupid, foolish, etc., they will lose respect for you. If you criticize people's acts not their intelligence, they'll change their acts and still have respect for themselves and for you.

Everyone is insecure in one way or another and defensiveness is a normal reaction to insecurity. There are ways to deal with defensiveness in people without becoming frustrated or upset. Here are guidelines to follow when dealing with defensive people:

 Never Accuse A Person of Being Defensive

Accusing a person of being defensive can be damaging. Don't say things like, "You're defensive because you can't cope with the situation."

 Admit Your Own Mistakes

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, but do we all live up to them? If you make a mistake, apologize for it. If you are wrong, admit your error. Mistakes can help us learn how to do things right the second time around, and we should not feel guilty about them.

 Solve the Real Problem

If you already know the real reason behind a person's insecurity, then solve the real problem. If a person is insecure about being unattractive, give praise for their good qualities and reassure them of their attractiveness.

 Questioning and Listening May Solve the Real Problem

Never directly label any of a person's weaknesses. Through your questioning and listening skills, you may be able to get a person to realize his own problems. When you question a person, ask vague questions and try to lead him to a point where he understands himself. Here is a sample question to ask: "It seems to me that you are angry. How do you feel about this situation?"

 Leave the Situation Alone

In situations in which a person doesn't want to communicate, it may be better to leave the situation alone. Remember that you can only do so much to help a person realize his problems.

If you are persistent, you will eventually get what you want. The reason for this is that it easier for people to give in to you than to continue resisting you. If you keep asking for something, within reason, you will get what you want. Children are experts at this. The following are steps you must take to use persistence effectively:

 Use A Direct Statement

In a direct statement, calmly tell the other person what you want. Here are some examples: "I want to..."; "tell me..."; "show me..."

 Repeat Your Request

Repeat your request over and over to the person until you get what you want or a reasonable compromise. Don't let the other person distract you with excuses or accusations. Keep repeating your request no matter what the other person says.

 Don't Lose Your Temper

You must be calm and collected at all times during your request. No matter what the other person says or does, always be calm and pleasant.

 Get the Other Person to Make a Commitment

The other person may give you a vague answer to meet your demand, such as, "We'll see," "soon," "Maybe," etc. If you get a vague answer, push for a commitment to an exact date.

 Fulfilling the Commitment

Make sure the person who has made a commitment to you does what he agreed. If he isn't living up to his agreement, be persistent and refer him back to the terms of his commitment. Refer back to them as many times as it takes to make him follow through with what he agreed to do for you.

In many cases, all you will be able to achieve by being persistent is a compromise. Compromises are good because they put you a step closer to your goal. If, for some reason, you can't accept a compromise, then don't. Offer whatever you can, nothing more. This, however, may not get you a settlement in your favor. Here are several steps that will show you how to compromise so that you get the most you can out of the bargain:

 Tell the Person Exactly What You Want

Tell the person exactly what you want in terms he will understand. For example, "I want more..."

 Be Strong and Persistent

You must get around the other person's excuses and rationalizations. You must be persistent until you feel you have hit the other persons' bottom line. The other person may try to manipulate you, so be strong and persistent so he cannot.

 Don't Agree If You Are Unsure

If you are unsure of what, don't agree to anything. You must think the situation over entirely before you compromise. If you need more time, tell the other person that you need more time. Make sure that you can live with the agreement before you make it.

Everyone wants to be liked by other people. If you treat people the way they want to be treated, they will like you. If you treat them badly, they won't. Often we don't know whether the things we do are objectionable to others. I am going to give you a list of things that attract people to others, and a list of things people find objectionable.


Everybody enjoys being praised. People look for approval of themselves from others. You should only praise people when they deserve praise. If you praise people when they don't deserve it, or if you praise people too much, you will lose your credibility. Don't exaggerate your praise. Make the praise as warm and sincere as you can.

 Don't Put People Down

Putting a person down can be very damaging to your relationship with that person. People feel degraded when called stupid, crazy, weird, etc. Don't put people down, even if they are not present. If you do, the word will get back to them, and you will look bad. Always talk about people positively. If you don't like someone, don't say anything about him. You will be amazed at the social advantage this gives you.

 Don't Be Concerned With Your Interests Only

There is nothing wrong with caring about and looking out for yourself as long as you don't become entirely preoccupied with it. People resent selfishness in others. Try to make your concern for others more noticeable than your concern for yourself. People will recognize and admire your generosity. Make sure others know you look out for them as well as yourself.

 Share the Credit

When others have helped you accomplish something, share the credit with them, even if their contributions were not as great as yours. You will be surprised how generously people react toward you when you share credit with them.

 Don't Expect Others to Provide for You

If you are unwilling to go out of your way for others, don't expect them to go out of their way for you. Set the first example. If you help others, they will help you in return.

 Always Show Appreciation

Everybody wants approval and recognition for what they have accomplished. If someone helps you in any way, tell him how much you appreciate his actions. Actions a person performs for you may not be repeated if you don't show appreciation. Here are some examples of how you can best state your appreciation for others: "I really appreciate the way you..."; "Thank you very much for..."; "You are very good at...", "I want to tell you how much it means to me that you..."; "You were very nice to..."; etc. Don't overdo your show of gratitude or you may seem insincere.

 Don't "Show Up" Others

When you "show up" others, you do it at their expense. Showing up people in front of others takes away their self-respect. If you are better than others, they will know it. You don't have to degrade them.

 Treat Small Things with Importance

Some problems may seem small to you, but they may mean a great deal to others. Don't ignore other people's problems. Treating small problems with importance shows other people you care.

 Care About People

People are concerned about themselves, and it is important for them to feel that others also care about them. People feel important when others care about them. Helping people get through daily trials and sharing in their victories makes people feel that you care about them.

 Don't Criticize People In Front Of Others

Public criticism will cause people to feel degraded and embarrassed, and they will resent you for doing that to them. If you criticize someone, criticize him or her privately and constructively.

 Give People Your Undivided Attention

Everybody wants to feel important. To make a person feel important you must give him your undivided attention when communicating with him. Eliminate all distractions and be sure to have good eye contact. When you are communicating with another person, give him your complete, undivided attention.

 Be Courteous, Tactful and Diplomatic

Everyone appreciates people who are courteous, tactful and diplomatic. The best way to learn these qualities is from others. Study someone you would like to be like and learn how he conducts himself.

 Be Confident
If you are not confident in yourself, people will not be confident in you. People admire and respect confident people. If you show others doubt, they will treat you with doubt. Be sure of yourself and play down your insecurities.

Criticism is one way to persuade people to think like you. With criticism we can modify the behavior of other people. If people do things we don't like, we redirect (criticize) them. The word "criticism" has a negative connotation in our society, but criticism is actually very useful. In this chapter we'll discuss criticism, which should be considered constructive reasoning. Follow the steps shown below when you wish to criticize constructively.

Before you criticism someone, be absolutely sure that what the individual did was wrong. Know the person you are criticizing. Make sure you understand the person's character. If you know the person and his characteristics well, and you know he'll never change, then don't waste your breath criticizing him. Don't try to change a habit that the individual is not capable of changing, i.e., stuttering, etc. The reason for criticizing an individual is so you both benefit from the improved relationship. It is important that the person be improved and bettered by your criticism. I have set several guidelines for you to follow when criticizing another person. If you follow these guidelines, you will find people following your suggestions.

 Constructive Criticism

When criticizing someone, get right to the point and tell him specifically what his undesirable behavior is. If you don't tell him exactly what he must work on, he may not be able to correct his behavior. And by making sure he understands why you are criticizing him, is the most important step in learning to criticize constructively.

 Criticize only when Necessary

If you criticize a person too much, the purpose behind your criticism will be lost. The effectiveness of your criticism may be weakened when it is overused, and the other person may begin to resent you if you don't give him time to change. Only criticize when you feel it is necessary. If there are several undesirable behaviors you want the other person to change, criticize only one at a time.

 Never Say "Never" Or "Always"

Words like "never" and "always" tend to put people on the defensive when they're used to describe their behaviors. The word "always" gives people the impression that their faults are constantly noticed and more obvious than they actually are.

"Usually" or "sometimes" are better words for describing people's Behaviors and shouldn't put them on the defensive. The word "Never" is often used in place of "seldom." There is a big difference between "seldom" and "never," and people will often resent the word "never" when it is used to describe their behaviors. People will always react less defensively to the words "usually" and "seldom."

 Don't Add Humor To Your Criticism

It may be funny to you to joke about people's faults but people feel you are making fun of them when you do. If you don't criticize people's behaviors seriously, you can't expect them to consider seriously changing those behaviors.

 Comparison Can Create Resentment

Comparing one person to another unfavorably will cause that person to resent you. Try not to make any type of comparison that will put a person down. Comparisons that make a person look good have the opposite effect. Comparisons such as, "You are the best person here," create good feelings between you and the other party.

 Criticize A Person at the Time of the Act

The best time to criticize someone is right after the unfavorable act is committed. If you are unable to correct a person's actions as they are committed, do so later when you're alone with that person and you can discuss the situation openly.

 Begin With Sincere Praise and Admiration

Everyone needs recognition of their strong points, as well as criticism of their faults. Begin your criticism by defining a person's strengths. Let him know how he pleases you and how much his actions mean to you. Then tell him that despite his strong points, there is one behavior you think he ought to change. After discussing his unfavorable behavior, end the conversation with more praise and admiration for his strengths.

 Give A Person Expectations to Live Up To, Not A Reputation To

Live Down

 Always give people expectations to live up to, not negative reputations to live down. This is an excellent way to motivate people to work for you. Give people standards to work up to. Establish high standards, and they will work up to them.

Constructively tell people what you know they can achieve. Your confidence in them increases their confidence in themselves. The expectations you place on others will be realized by them. If you tell someone what you want him to do and then say, "I don't know if you can do it," he probably won't do it. If you tell him, "I know you can do it," he will live up to your expectations. Here are some phrases you can use: "I know I can count on you to do well because...", "I know you can do a great job because you are so good at what you do." An expectation with praise works wonderfully.

 Don't Get Angry

Other people don't frustrate and anger you, you do that to yourself. Losing your temper with another person will always hurt you, not him. Anger and frustration will never solve your problems, reasoning and logic will. Don't let personal feeling and resentment get in your way.

 Point out A Person's Mistakes Indirectly

Don't point a finger at anyone or openly blame anyone for making a mistake. Use vague questions to get the other person to tell you what has happened and what they have done. This alleviates any resentment they would feel if accusations were made incorrectly. Don't make remarks about personal abilities, intelligence, etc., even if the mistake was caused by the other person. The technique for constructive questioning is covered in a previous chapter.

 Listen to the Other Person's Story

With a few good questions, the other person will tell you everything you want to know. As the person is telling you his side of the story, he will also realize what he has done. He will be able to uncover the true cause for his mistakes. Once you and he understand the true cause, a remedy can be sought.

 Know Exactly What You Are Dealing With

Try to find out as much as you can about the situation. If you are at fault, the other person may not know how to tell you. The only way you will be able to solve a problem is if you know exactly what has happened. Ask yourself questions, and see if you can answer them. Put yourself in the other person's position and visualize the situation from his point of view. Look at all of the facts carefully and objectively.

 Tell the Other Person What He Must Hear

Don't tell the other person what he wants to hear, tell him what he must hear. If you think he should be told something, tell him. When you tell someone what he must hear, tell it to him in a positive, constructive way so that he will benefit from your honesty.

 Admit Your Mistakes

When you admit your own mistakes, people more readily accept you pointing out their errors. Telling others that you have made the same mistakes they have, and that you will help them by showing them how you remedied similar situations, makes them feel better about their own lot. Tell them, "I've made that same mistake many times, I know how it feels. I'll show you how I solved the same problem."

 Make Them See the Problem Without Pointing The Finger

You don't have to point a finger at someone to get a problem solved. Have a conference with the person with whom you are experiencing problems. Tell him your problem without mentioning any names or specifically saying whom you are talking about. This type of criticism is so indirect that, in many cases it alone solves the problem. It causes the other person to realize the problem and solve it for you.

How to Punish
You must only punish people to a degree relative to the wrongdoing. If you go overboard, people you punish will resent you. If you don't punish people for the wrong they do you, they will take advantage of you. The best way to punish someone is to have the other person set the punishment. Ask the other person what should be done to him because of what he has done. Most of the time, the person will give himself a more severe punishment that you would have. In this case, lower the sentence. He will look upon you favorably for it. If a person names a punishment for himself that is too weak to suit his wrongdoing, say "I'm sorry, but that is not what I had in mind. I think that... is fair."

 End Your Criticism with Praise and Admiration

It is important for a person to know that you are criticizing him to help him. You must restore his self-esteem. When you've finished your criticism, tell him how much you appreciate his strong points.

 Improving Other People's Actions

People increase or decrease their actions depending upon how others react to them. Praise is a strong reward. The best way to get people to do what you want them to is to praise them for their progress. By rewarding them with praise for their improvements, you will get better results from them.

 Criticize Again, If Necessary

You may have to speak to a person more than once if there has been very little improvement in his behavior. If you speak to him a second time, you must be harder on him. If you have to speak to him more that two or three times, you must review your criticizing skills. Again, be sure that you don't criticize a person for a behavior that he cannot change.

Some criticism is in poor taste. We must often deal with unconstructive criticism, such as, "You look terrible today," or "You don't know anything, you idiot." Don't let this type of criticism bother you. When you find yourself faced with such useless criticism, follow these steps:

 Agree With the Facts

Carefully evaluate the criticism the other person presents you with, and be sure to agree with him on the facts. In the above examples you could reply, "I haven't been feeling too well lately," and "No, I don't know much about this subject." When you respond to the other person, answer only to what he actually says, not what he implies.

 Answer the Criticism

Stay calm and collected throughout the conversation. Don't lose you temper. The only way you will feel degraded is if you take criticism personally, and not constructively. Don't waste his time and your emotions by reading more into his criticism than is actually stated. By accepting criticism constructively, not personally, you won't need to defend your pride or attack the other person.

 Accept Your Mistakes

If you make a mistake accept it, but don't feel guilty. If you are in error, apologize sincerely and take any actions necessary to remedy the situation. If you do this, there is no reason for a teary, dramatic apology. Such scenes will only embarrass you more and make the other person feel uncomfortable as well.

When you get constructive criticism, try to gain the most from it. Constructive criticism is one of the best ways to mold yourself into a better person. The following steps will show you how to get the most from constructive criticism.

 Ask For Feedback

Find out exactly what others object to about you. If someone tells you that he doesn't like your behavior, find out exactly what he doesn't like about it. Be very persistent, and insist that he be explicit in his criticism. Ask the other person what you can do to change the objectionable action in the future. Vague criticism is worthless to you.

 Use Deduction to Find Your Faults
If a person criticizes you vaguely, but can't bring himself to tell you explicitly what he disapproves of, then consider faults that others have criticized you for in the past. Often, the same faults will displease different people. This may be the only way to find out what displeases the other person.

 Don't Be Defensive

If you act defensively, you will not be able to benefit from constructive criticism. Don't be sarcastic or hostile toward the other person. Remember that the other person is criticizing you so that you can better yourself and your relationship with him.

People enjoy the company of others, and everyone wants to meet people with whom they can have close and lasting friendships. Here are some steps to follow if you want to become more successful at meeting and making friends:

 Introduce Yourself

Let your prospect know who he is dealing with. Visualize him as a friendly, considerate and kind person. Give him information that will make him receptive to you. Make the information benefit-oriented for him. Try phrases like, "I really like that dress on you, it brings out your blue eyes," or, "I overheard what you were saying, and I was really fascinated by how much you know about..."

 Ask Leading Questions

Ask the person you are talking to a leading question. A leading question is one that provokes more of a response than a mere "yes or "no" Here are some examples: "Do you attend a lot of these charity balls?"; "How do you know the host?"; "Do you work downtown, too? What do you do?" The other person's responses to these leading questions will let you know if he is interested in you or not. If you try to sell yourself to the person immediately, you will get resistance. If you push too hard or don't ask your leading questions with true interest and sincerity, you will get negative answers, and the conversation may quickly come to an end. Try to make the person feel that you want his consent to expand on an idea that may be of interest to him. What you actually want is his consent to get to know him better. If the other person shows interest in you and begins to communicate with you, feel free to go a step further.

 Open Yourself Up

Once the person opens up to you, you can begin to open yourself up to him. You have his attention, and he is interested in you. Once you feel comfortable in his presence, tell him your strongest attributes are the ones that will appeal to him most. If you get a positive response, you have successfully sold yourself to him. At this point, you can feel free to further develop your new friendship. If the person is unresponsive, it may be that you sound pompous and boastful to him. In this case, you should lower your volume a bit and sound as humble and sincere as possible.

 How To Handle Negative Feedback

Be prepared for some objections from the other person in the course of your conversation. Respond to each of his objections and try to agree with some part of them. Don't linger or argue over an objection, accept the other person's point of view without forcing yours upon him. Make sure that his objection is legitimate and not just an argumentative contest. First, agree that you understand the other person's objection. Then ask the other person if there are any other reasons for objecting to your underlying reasons for his objections. For example, "Yes, I can see why you feel that way, but I feel that..."

 Winning the Battle

The final part is the easiest part of your whole selling approach. At this point, give the other person a choice. Don't give him a choice of whether to take you on or not, give him a choice of how to take you on. "Do you have a pen, or would you like to use mine to write down your phone number?" Instead of saying, "Do you want to go out with me?" say, "Would you rather go to a movie or out dancing?" After you have gotten the other person to make some kind of commitment, summarize the proposition and reward the other person for accepting. An example of that is: "Thanks for giving me your phone number. I'm really looking forward to Saturday night."

Getting along better with others is a matter of choice. Follow the principles outlined in this report and you will become a more influential person. Not only will people be happy with you, but you will be happy with yourself. Your choice to become a new person will be one of the best you'll ever make.

How to make strategic school events increase school enrollment. Tagline is key and very important.

Coffee time

Dear Valued Life Builder

Frankly, I'm puzzled


If you have not started thinking of these things now, then you should start up immediately...

As you probably remember

We dived into knowing what the best time to start preparing for Enrollment is?

And to know that

We mentioned

1. We must have our Data in place....

2. We must figure out our communication....

Saying words like 

_We have staff who are skilled in pedagogy means nothing to your prospective parents..._

You see

_Tagline isn't the ability to come up with words that are big..._

Taglines always communicate a promise achievable in a period of time..

Tagline always communicate a promise that can be achieved with a specific mechanism or method

For instance..

Saying words like..

*We can get your child to read a newspaper by age 5* is a good example...


*Making your child book and computer smart by age 10*

Tagline always has a promise to it....

Its's pretty simple...

Not having a tagline is loading a gun with bullets and spraying it all over the place...

What do I mean by this....

Whether you know it or not...

There is a philosophy guiding your school...

It affects what you do and the way you operate....

Taglines just help you identify the best philosophy for your school

Build an intellectual property around it and then use it as a basis to market your school...

That's it on that....

Please understand

That's once you get your communication right...

The next is how to create awareness about your uniqueness....  

You see 

A quick way to do that is to integrate it into your events....

What exactly does this mean?🤔

😃Events gives you the opportunity to showcase your uniqueness.....

😀Events gives you the opportunity to build your list

😀Events gives you the opportunity to dazzle your parents

😀Events gives you the opportunity to build your list.

😀Events gives you the opportunity to give your parents what to talk about....

😀Events gives you the opportunity to integrate offers that they can never refuse...

Through your events... Parents will practically show desire to register..

They will aggressively bring others into your school effortlessly...

That's why this event are strategic.....

You see

The qualities of strategic events includes the following....

Lets leave that for tomorrow.....

We will get into the nitty gritty of strategic event....

I mean the kind of events that generates results..

Not just that 

The events that has been optimized to get 600 students invitations to a school at a time.....

So keep your fingers crossed...

To your ultimate success.....

Special Assembly Four

Special Assembly Four

Special Assembly Three

Special Assembly Three

Ribena Special Assembly

Ribena Special Assembly


Special Assembly Two

Mr Bolujo Olusegun

Mr Bolujo Olusegun

Mr Qudus Usman

Mr Qudus Usman

Smith Qwam is being honored as he received his certificate for Good Values Education Program that is organized by RIBENA

Smith Qwam is being honored as he received his certificate for Good Values Education Program that is organized by RIBENA

Smith Qwam 

Citation Form 

Ojoye Roqueebat being Awarded with Ribena Good Values Ambassador Certificate because of her good values and Behaviour

Ojoye Roqueebat being Awarded with Ribena Good Values Ambassador Certificate because of her good values and Behaviour

OLD WAYS MAY NOT OPEN NEW DOORS. Old way of running school involves everything falling in place without radical and aggressive movement towards school rules and regulations, income, fees, and other resources that makes the school run.


Old way of running school involves everything falling in place without radical and aggressive movement towards school rules and regulations, income, fees, and other resources that makes the school run.

It is normal for parents to pay on resumption day because everyone cherished education

Teachers count it all joy to get employment in a school especially without education degree or qualification.

But now, everything has changed. When the game changes, approach must also change.

I mean this in 5 dimensions
1. School fees alone can never be enough to finance your school.

The first thing that comes to the mind of any school especially when running at loss is to increase school fees.

No matter the amount of your school fees, 

2. Sitting in the school expecting parents to come and make enquiry, bring their children or pay school fees can never be enough to bring profit to your school.

The game has changed. Don't sit down and think they will bring the money. If you sit down, they will also sit down.

3. Running a school without budget will always make the school run at loss despite the income of the school

(What comes get spent) will not help you. It only makes the school lack. What are you going to spend money on this month? Where do you keep miscellaneous?

Run budget! Run budget!! Run with budget!!!.

4. Parents don't think your money is too much. They think you are exploiting them.
When you give price that can be verified outside on textbooks, uniforms, cardigan, school books and others, parents raise alarm! 

I have discovered this to be the silent killer of school visions and dreams. It shift the focus of parents from what you are trying to do to what you are trying to GET.

Be careful of the price you put on what you sell. No matter the profit you are making now, it cannot pay for the lack of trust the parents nurse amidst themselves. 

The day an alternative is discovered who can do what you do for less, they will move. Be careful!

Instead of inflating your existing wheels of income, create some other ones. There are 11 wheels of school income that I will be opening up on Monday 28th May at school income seminar. See you there

5. If your appearances are better than your school, parents teachers and suppliers will respond.

Before you look dapper, let the school look dapper. If you have extra income apart from school, take a chunk of the money to invest in your school.

Let the building and the school resources be good. Create your teachers salary in structural form and communicate it so they don't have unrealistic expectations.

Relate with parents assertively so they don't take you for granted.

Matti Baqiyyat being honored as the Ribena Good Values Award 2018

Matti Baqiyyat being honored as the Ribena Good Values Award 2018

Matti Baqiyyat being honored as the Ribena Good Values Award 2018

Matti Baqiyyat Honouree Form 

Matti Baqiyyat Citation Form 

Ayantunji Mariam being Hononoured With the certificate of Recognition for being Ribena Good Values Ambassador for Island Builders Baptist School Year 2018

Ayantunji Mariam being Hononoured With the certificate of Recognition for being Ribena Good Values Ambassador for Island Builders Baptist School Year 2018

Ayantunji Mariam being Hononoured With the certificate of Recognition for being Ribena Good Values Ambassador for Island Builders Baptist School Year 2018

Ayantunji Mariam Citation Form 

Ayantunji Mariam Honouree Form 

Olajide Nureen being Hononoured With Certificate of Recognition for Ribena Good Values Award 2018

Olajide Nureen being Hononoured With Certificate of Recognition for Ribena Good Values Award 2018

Olajide Nureen Citation Form 

Olajide Nureen Honouree Form 

Good evening Teacher

Please I need urgent advice on this. The chairman of the p.t.a in my school came to me this afternoon to ask me for the contact of all the parents in the school,but I told him its not possible that what ever message they want to pass across to the parents will be done by the secretary via bulk SMS. But he said its the number he wants that he would love to reach the parents one on one to let them have a meeting outside the sch I.e the management 

So I told him I will need to discuss it with the
director then get back to him. The question now is;
Is it right to give him cos I told him that its not right for them to hold any meeting outside thesch

He said so many things that the other excos met with him before he came to meet me in theschool

He said that the other women in the excos said that
my partner has been rude to parents
the auditor insulted them during the school fee drive
3)that the sister of the proprietress is the cause of so many things as she does not allow or rather patronise parents during sch party like 

drinks from those selling that are parents or
buying snacks for meeting from those that are bakers.

As the head of school what do I do now.

Should I arrange a meeting with the excos as my director is abroad.
The sister in-law is my partner and 

The sister in-law is not an educationist.
She loves to claim that she owns the school even the director knows and that is why he asked her to make sure all she does in the sch she must inform me but pride will not let her most times.

Time for party she will want to charge the school per plate multiplied by the number of pupils in the sch.
And parents are seeing a lot of things

She talks to teachers any how and calls them by their names.
When I got there I tried to correct her but she said no o

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That when she was working with mtn they call
people by their names. Even in the bank there is nothing like Mr or mrs

Thank you sir let me not bother you with the long list.
Thank you so much

So sorry to bother you.

But in this field of ours you and other educators are the family avgot.

God bless you Good night
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Please help out life builders.....

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All of these border on professionalism.

You need to pacify the excos first and have a meeting to appease Tue parents. Even if they are owing, fighting or insulting them can never get the money out of their pockets except it becomes a police case and that's a bad image for theschool.
If you don't give the PTA chairman the numbers they'd get it one way or the other. Pally with him but of course you must speak with the real owners first.
If you can get the chairman on your side then he can help ti appease the parents that are angry otherwise you may lose more than 50% of your students. Moreso, it does not take an educationist as you call it to be courteous. It's an inability to manage tough times and an attitude the couldn't be concealed anymore.

I would really advise against that. Yes, there are issues with management which should be trashed out with both parties present, but having a meeting of parents alone is a big NO. My friend almost lost her school to a parent an exco of the PTA, who wanted to start her own school. She had meetings with parents without any management staff being present. And it all started with an innocent request if the parents' numbers. It was by God's mercy that all her pupils didn't leave at the beginning of this session. Please don't give them access to your parents'database.

I would advise you not to give him your parents numbers. Meeting outside the school wiyhhout a management staff should not be allowed.

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The bursar should be educated about what is expected of her in a school setting.

Also you need to patronize your parents when the need arises and be nice to parents when asking for school fees too.
May God help us🙏

Hmmmm.... It's a tough one. But sure thing I know is that IT'S WRONG TO GIVE HIM THE NUMBERS. Hold meeting with the excos first and pacify them, as it's said above, the response you get from.the excos will determine the next move

Don't release the the parents list to him because you don't know his mind . such incident happened in my area by the following term the chairman of pta establish a school

Good moni, pls permit her to go back to her banking industry bf she will disorganized the whole life time investment pls.
Don't ever give any digit to him, even teachers must have a limit to parents digit too.

Party !!!!! time , we must also help parents who sells some of this party things too. Let them feel loved ad belong likewise.

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Good morning. I think the best thing to do is discuss with your director on phone/ Skype. He's abroad not in heaven. What the chairman is asking of you is later going to be like you connived with him. Follow your gut feeling n discuss with your boss. Do unto others what you will like them do to you. All the best

What's your relationship with the director,your husband?if yes,i think that makes the work more easy ,if not are you both on % if yes ,u still have a say,if the director is your husband,then you need to has heart to heart talk with him N make him see reasons why things should be done rightly

U must not allow the meeting if you wouldn't be present,better still if you can afford it
,organise an end of term lunch date for all PTA excise in one of the fast foods,appreciate their efforts,since you have a hint on what the matter is ,give them chance to err their minds and from there tactically settle the matter , without giving urself out,cos that meeting if allowed can mare or make the school,act fast

The hierarchy of reporting line should be established. When that is done. Things can fall into shape with who dictates. ( Inlaw issue). The director should address this . so suggest to him if he knows you are better in the field.
2ndly, whether you give your contact to the pta chairman or not. He could still get it during a general meeting when an attendance list is passed. So I advice you know your parents one on one. Get closer to them. you might get to know whatever the PTA excos are planning in secret.
Moreso, a teacher ( head) should be a member of the exco. ( my opinion)

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3rdly* for party supplies, its very ok to patronize your parents as long as the price is same with other vendors, if not let them know your stand and possibly they could offer you same price.

What I see here is lack of management skills on the part of the head of school;

-Auditor insulting parents

-Bursar talking rudely to parents and teachers

-Lack of school culture (that is why the bursar can call people by their first names and claim it's done that way in MTN and the banks).
Overall, the head of school needs to have a grip of 'her' school cos that is why she is the head and not the Bursar.
As for giving the PTA chairman the numbers its a no no. It seams like the head of school does not have a good relationship with the parents and exco members. They see her as not being able to do much as regards curtailing the excesses of her staff otherwise why would they want to have a meeting outside school and excluding her? She is the 'owner' of the school for crying out loud. I think she needs to quickly do something about her management style otherwise there would be 'chaos' soon (Godforbid).
Please meet with the exco as a group after talking with them individually to pacify them and win them over. Be firm while being subutle during the meeting and don't make them feel for a second that you are a pushover

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Pls you need to be wise here,the meeting must not hold in your absence.make sure you are part of the meeting. Thanks

As for sister in-law, just ignore all those and report her when necessary to your boss. It's the family relation she has with the director that is getting into her head. Any issue from her side would be dealt with as " family matter". Didn't the director know she wasn't an educationist before putting her there?

This is going to be a difficult but to crack. Many privately school owners dread a day like this when PTA comes up with another agenda beyond its original purpose.I also identified some rancor between the Head Teacher and the family member Bursar. This is not good. I advise the owner of school be contacted to call and speak with the PTA Chairman and resolve the issues raised. He should also curtail the excesses of his family member who is the bursar and define a reporting and authority line to flow from the Head Teacher.

Honestly... this school is tearing apart... and the only person that can prevent it is you....

I'll suggest you call in for pta meeting, board meeting and a meeting with the owner of the school... discuss the development of the school and things you feel should be corrected

Please let the bursar remain in her accounts office and manage the accounts. The school secretary should be the one calling or Tue Head Teacher. If you're a partner then you're a part owner by shares or by what you have on offer in terms of knowledge? If so.......

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This is a very serious matter. 1)Do not allow PTA meeting outside the school. It is strictly for the school because of the school. 2)Have a meeting with the exco when the owner of the school is around. Since the sister in law is not helping.

Its not advisable to give out the parents' out to a non administrator of a school. The chairman can't be allowed to hold a meeting with a representative of the school management, that is why it is called PTA- Parents Teachers Association . One have to be careful when dealing with parents, this could lead to the ruin of the school, what if they team up against to school, in other to teach the so called in-law a lesson. If there is any lesson to learn in business is not bring nepotism into any organization you want to succeed. If any member of the family must work for you make sure the merit it and that the same rules applies to them if they mess up. I think you should update the owners of the school about their relation's activities that about to ruin their establishment.

Isn't it so funny that School's owners would choose parents in form of PTA and they would turn around to play God. Patience does it. It is a complicated issue.

The first mistake is allowing a family member occupy an important post

Second is she's an in- law ( it's my brothers money she established the school with after all) Thirdly is she's not an educationist or have PGD in education

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Talk to the proprietress and make her see how things are falling apart but no matter what, don't release parents' nymbers

The PTA excos meeting outside the school, it is like having your head shaved behind your back, If care is not taken, some PTA excos will take over the school and begin to dictate to the owner. . . What is the business of the Chairman of the PTA with the numbers of all the parents in the school. My view is that any information that is to be passed across to the parents must be through the channels that are being used by theschool.

PTA Chairman can be very powerful and arming him with parents numbers is a big no no. Call the excos and have a meeting with them, find out what their griviances are and sincerely apologise. Think of something you can do to soften the situation. If this matter is not properly handled you may have parents withdraw their children and of cause news has a way of going round parents even if the PTA Chairman doesn't have theirnumbers.

It's very wrong to give out all your parents contacts to the PTA chairman. It's equally wrong to allow to allow them meet without you.
Organise a meeting with the excos outside the School premises but ensure you carry your director along else the table may be turned against you by the in-law.

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After the meeting, have a serious talk with your director on the steps to take concerning the in-law else the School will sooner than later be a shadow of it's self because parents are one of the strongest strength of a thriving School.
Good morning.

No matter the reason don't give the chairman the parents numbers.If there must be a meeting the school should send bulk SMS.your pta can hijack your school and you will pay dearly for it.Then look at the parents grievances and start making amendments.

Good morning life builders, How was your night?You have all spoken well,but you needs to get across to the director and let her know before things get out of hand.
Your partner needs seminar to control her ego and know the rules of an educationist and there are rules guiding any position held

Don't give him the numbers, even if he is not going to start a school if those reasons he stated were the reasons he wants to discuss with other parents., it will have a devastating effects as wrong values which are truly not the school's value will be circulated and in a school biz the truth is people only discuss the bad aspects and not the good ones. Promise him you work on all the complain. Communicate with the school owner and let him see reason y he needs to take decisive decision on the issue with regards to the Sister in law

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Please do not allow that. Get in touch with your director (I want to believe you feed him/her back on the progress of the school somehow) to relate the request of the PTA ,you can then act on whatever advice he gives.

Please please please. Do not arm the Chairman with parent's number. The next step he will take is to ensure people write their numbers during meetings. So watch out for this. If you have some money to spare, call for parents forum, tag it parents appreciation moment or any other nice tag. Fix it towards evening such that they will focus their attention on the merriment and how to get home. Then apologize, clarify issues, thank them and bid them farewell for the day.
See how you can weaken the power of the chairman by back out on PTA levy, do more parents forum than formal meetings.
I know a lady who lost 40 plus of her population to the chairman's new school. Good luck

Sometimes, some decisions needs to be taken without getting the owner involved... the owner could have her reasons for bringing you as the head of the school and also including her sister in-law. If not, she could have employed just you or just employing the sister to manage the school while she's away... unity is the key word here... if at all, the proprietress

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is to be called it should just we on school development... don't be surprised the owner of the school might be aware of the happenings. But might just keep her cool

Good morning house!!

Well done the Icon of our time; teacher IT.

In my own opinion, as others suggested have a meeting with the excos urgently outside the school BUT with the presence of the Secretary whom I believe is a staff also let the whole discussion be recorded. Schools where in laws are empowered you need to tread carefully. The owners knows about the overdo of the so called woman so don't be the one to tell them what the exco says since the meeting is more about the in law, send the recording you will obutain to them and let them make their decision.
Don't complain or condemn the woman too much else they will think you have an ulterior motive or you are instigating the excos against the school.
Whatever their decision is, will help you in your decision making. Please be careful if you still need that job.

Let your boss know exactly what's happening. Tell it to her exactly the way it is. Don't hide anything and do not cover anyone. She can make conference calls to you, the bursar and PTA Chairperson if need be. She needs to call the bursar to order and give clear directives on how to tackle the issue.That she is abroad, won't stop her from taking charge of her school. The

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world is a global village, we can do anything from any where if we really want to. That is...if she values her business/school.

The proprietor should be urgently communicated with bf further steps.And the proprietor should giv the bursary work to his nonrelative,if possible the school should make use of bank 4 payment for the chairman am sensing conspiracy.

I really think you shouldn't release the phone numbers to him. And I think you should insist that any meeting to be held must be in school and you must be in attendance. Or rather notify your boardmembers

My contribution.

The parents met at theschool.

No don't give the numbers to him. You own the school. You are incontrol.

Have an urgent "inhouse" meeting and put things straightASAP

A school is a place that is meant to be conducive for learning "and teaching" If your teachers don't feel good, what do you think will happen to the quality of information given to the little ones? The enthusiasm towards delivering a lesson is "key" to achievinglearning

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goals so talking anyhow to the people who are referred to as the engine of the school might not be a good Idea particularly when we look at it through the business eye!
Draw up your organogram so everyone knows who to report to and stick to it. If possible make a visual aid for all to see. (Agreed and organised by the managementteam)
Since they mentioned to you their concerns. I suggest you hold a meeting with the EX CO members and try to iron out Issues amicably while retaining the power to decide what works and doesn't.
Working with parents is very vital in running a school and the way it's done either makesor mars your efforts.
Hope this helps

If I may ask, don't the school have complaints& recommendations as part of the agenda during each edition of the PTA meeting?

This should have taken care of any complaints and other feedbacks from parents.

I suggest the school calls for an emergency meeting where every grievances against the school are expressed and there should be a show of remorse and sincerity on correcting the wrongdoings.
The meeting should be called by the school and held in the school. Don't give any parents contact to the PTA chairman.
The PTA chairman and excos should be appealed to in order to be on the side of the school and help douse the tension during the meeting.

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The lady in question should be called to order.If she doesn't change, stand your ground and take charge,you are the head of school.
If they wouldn't allow you to take charge, resign an move on.

May God guide you.

Light refreshment should be served and parents should be accorded high courtesy when they arrive for the meeting.

Make it a rule to purchase things that school needs from parents who sell them.They would even give you at lower prices and good quality.
My teachers and parents know me for this.I don't ordinarily buy from people that don't have children in my school except if none of my parents/teachers doesn't have it.

In my own opinion I think you should follow her rules you have told us your own side of the story perhaps she might also have something to say she's human and can't just react without
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you stepping on her I want you to see her as your boss pls she's been there for 10years she must have been through a lot to put the school together I think you should see her as a friend don't take all her actions to heart and try to respect her kneeling down for a dwarf does not make one short so as to move the school forward.

My advice:(1)

U are now the solicitor and advocate,u solicit for the school and advocate for the parents:: have a meeting with the PTA chairperson first ,hear all his complaints,be careful not to interrupt him while he's talking,then pacify him
Tell him not to worry that ur going to make amends.,

with his help ,make him to get all the excos and have a very heart to heart meeting with them . Try not to blame any body just be on the pleading side,promise them that you will put everything inplace.
Call for a general PTA meeting,be strong to bear all their abuses , complaints,naggings,and so on and so Forth then give them hope . Be a person of fewwords.
,and to talk to whosoever is the culprit. Stating the dangers involved in parents losing confidence in the care givers of their children.
Finally suggest trashing out the PTA out of ur schoolsystem......

Even the government schools are gradually closing PTA because of parents problems..Some will even want to tell you how much to charge as tuition fees.
In case you want to trash PTA don't make it open ,just stop calling for meetings.When the vendor of the present chairman expires don't renew..... I DON'T HAVE PTA !!!!!! Thanks

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Be strong you will win.Time is the greatest healer ,just give it time....

PTA means Parents/Teachers Association. He's not qualified if his child is not in your School because he's NOT a parent.

The PTA chairman, have known many lapses of the school, he might have the intention of establishing a school, he want to use the phone nos to circulate a bad news about the school. The nos should not be released to him and the school should issue a news letter calling for a general PTA meeting and whatever that he wants to pass across out should be discussed there.

The PTA chairman, have known many lapses of the school, he might have the intention of establishing a school, he want to use the phone nos to circulate a bad news about the school. The nos should not be released to him and the school should issue a newsletter calling for a general PTA meeting and whatever that he wants to pass across out should be discussed there.

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Please don't give out the numbers. Hear all the PTA/Chairman's complaints, plead for time, call your director and tell him there's fire on the mountain. If care isnt taken and the matter handled with wisdom the school is on the verge of shutting down. I however don't agree that the school must patronise the business of parents. In doing that 'see finish' will soon enter. If I know longer want or like the product for any reason how do I back out without offending someone?

Perhaps the school will do better without PTA.

Pls there is nothing bad in patronizing them, they get money for the fee from their businesses but if you have been using n given very good and original things, use that as your yardsticks.
The patronage should go round events byevents

First thing first, you shoukd not on any account release anybody s phone number to a third party without letting the owner know . This is because people have different way of understanding things and you don't know what he wants to use the numbers for, aside from that , whomever gave you his or her number gave it to you confidence and for your use alone and not for you to start sharing his/her number.
In this case , since he is the PTA chairperson, he should wait for the next PTA meeting probably to mention it to the full house and whomever consents will release his or her phone numberwilling.
Whatever they want to do outside the school is none of your business as long as they 're not using your school name .
As for the parents that are complaining, advice them to complain in writing and in that case you will have a written document as evidence which you will wire to the school owner for his prompt action . Coming to the business angle , that parent is just being petty . The school Need answers to your questions call +2348036627658 , +2349067027539

must not patronize you simply because you have your ward in their school. She doent know what the other lady gains from those small business she organises by the side . If that parent really wants the contract , May be she shoukd go strike a deal with the school manager . There is also every possibility that the school manager is the owner of the business she patronizes.
I hope you find the above advice useful.


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Good morning dear life builder....

Thank you all for your consistent support always in asking and answering questions.

That has made this community more resourceful because of our contributions

I promised to send the PDF copy of the last question time and theanswers...

I will send it in before the end of the week...

My laptop is having an issue currently...

It's refusing to boot.

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Will fix as soon as possible...

Here is the question for today....

I have a question. Which I would like you to look into without giving my Identity.

I have a boy that's 2yrs +. But he does not talk in class but he talks athome.

He does not have speech impediment. He just does not talk nor showinterest.

I have tried handling him myself. What he does is.. If you hold his hand wanting him to trace, he will be looking everywhere apart from his book , rhymes, he won't show interest but will be looking for who to pinch, and be smiling randomly.

He loves to play a lot. And am worried because he has done two terms with me and still no change. I

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have been patient, I have done everything I can
but nothing.
Its really bothering me and I would like to see changes.

He's meant to go to nursery 1 next session. But with the way things are going I don't know how we will do it. And the parents won't have it otherwise else they withdraw their ward.

What can I do please... Help me ask other life builders..

So here we go... .

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I think you need to invite the patents and ask lots
of questions about the boy, to get to know more about him and y he talks at home but does not talk at school. Then, let them know how both of you can work as a team to change him. Also, change your method of teaching him. He might prefer sand tracing to paper tracing, give him colourful pictures with numbers and alphabets, look for things that interest him and use it to impart on him. Since he can pinch, it means he would probably like hide and seek. So let him into "fun time" learning while having fun. E.g. letter A sound 'a', a curveeeeeeee and a dashhhhhhh. Number 1, a straight lineeeeeee. Way to go boy. Wow, you rock. Come here my boy. Give me hi 5. Lots of fun time for him.

Sorry please 2yrs + ? N having to go to nursery1 ,

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Well what does he love to play with does he love
cartoons ,if he is asked to trace n he is not paying attention ,let him be allowed for now to do his thing himself ,scribbling free style writing if possible using colours,they love colours,have you tried writing on the sand,he is playing with the sand and at same time writing,all these might help

How do you mean doesn't talk at school? He must relate with his classmates at least. Try handing him over to someone else or try engaging himoutdoors

I had a similar issue, but the reverse of your case. This child talks, sings and play at school but does none of these at home. The mother refused to believe that he talks until she was invited. And she stood by the window during activity time, watched and came into the classroom to beseen

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by the child.Eversince, the child opened upat
home. Another, thing is that the parents should be made to understand that this child is just two and there are different growth levels for each child. They do not grow at the same rate, some are very fast while some take their time to develop.

Start by worrying less. Children this age are highly absorbent. Whatever goes on in that class he is learning even though it may seem to you that he is not paying attention.

Stop holding the child's hand to write rather refine his/her fine motor skill through prewriting activities.

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Make the class fun. Use songs that kids can move
their bodies. Ignore him if he is not dancing to it he is enjoying and learning from it.

Let him go to the next class even if he can't write. For some children sensitivity to writing come early say 3, some 4 and others 5. Research has shown that children who write at age 4 or 5 usually are best writers.

Trust me. I have been in your shoes on countless occassion but applying the above methods worked.

Good morning dear life builders. I would like to know the plus on his 2 years. Is it 2 plus 2 months or 4 months or 8 months or 11 months. I am of the opinion that many of our children come to school rather too early and we expect them to adjust so quickly.Please permit me to say that he is rather

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September. I have had few of our parents relocate abroad and by the time you ask of their children's new class, they will inform you they are simply in play class.

Well what does he love to play with does he love cartoons ,if he is asked to trace n he is not paying attention ,let him be allowed for now to do his thing himself ,scribbling free style writing if possible using colours,they love colours,have you tried writing on the sand,he is playing with the sand and at same time writing,all these might help

Use what he likes as in talent n make him ur friend n be friendly to the boy

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deposit..... try to do something that will lift three child's mood everyday such that the kid will always look

Such that the kid will always look forward to it.it
could be a smile, handshake something to reach the child's heart 🙏 and make him or her see that you are always there.....

Pls, how do you know he talks at home? Are the parents sincere?
Does medical confirm him negative?
How does he behave in the school and outdoor activities.....

Anyway he may need more time to adjust.
You may also be more fun filled with him when it comes to writing

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His recitations?

There are more to it unless you and the parents can answer series of questions but let's wait for responses from other life builders. Teacher Itunu, good morning and other members of thisgroup

I had same experience with a 3yr +

What I did: I spoke with the mum who said she was a chatter box at home. I was surprised 🙏same girl who doesn't talk and would always keep to herself in class.

I suggested that the mum talk to her at home. I also didsame

I will call the child and we sit together and I talk to her that she needs to talk in class and come to me

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if she needs to work with any material in the

I never stopped discussing my observations with the mum over the phone 🙏🙏and sometimes if the child is with the mum, I ask to speak with her over the phone, I tell her that I need her to talk in class as she talks at home.

One day I observed her working with another child, which she never did and she would come to me to ask to work with amaterial.

Good morning. There's what we call readiness time in children, and this differ from one child to another , if a child is not ready, you still need to patiently wait for him. He is learning trust me, he is just absorbing all, when he is ready you'llbe amazed.

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Psychologically, it takes children minimum of 6
months to fully adjust to a new environment, to teacher and the classroom climate, if this is his first session with you, then he is not abnormal.

Don't stop him from going to nursery one, you will still admit children into your nursery one next term who had never been to school before, do not worry, he will learn.

There are things you can do to help him, since he love to play, go the play way method, stop holding his hand to write, use sand tray, sand paper letter/number tracing, writing in the air and on his friend's body with his fingers. Show him a lot of love, let him have a sense of belonging to that class and above all, pray forhim.

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kids are like that they don't show interest when it
comes to learning. Let the child move over to another class. Don't keep him in that class.The fact that he doesn't show interest doesn't mean he is not getting anything. He is actually learning something and will manifest itsoonest.

I had a similar boy in the last 2 terms, I got the head teacher to specifically handle him you'll hear him wailing but she was instructed to stick to what was being taught after a while he realised his wailing didn't move mountains so he tolerates. To aid the writing he was being taught how to feed himself. He likes food and hates to see his food drop, making him learn to grip his spoon did help. Before the term closed, he was moving on well, still now at the same pace with his classmates but he now understood school and it's essence. It's funny because he was a twin and his twin sister did very well on herown.

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I had same experience with a 3yr +

What I did: I spoke with the mum who said she was a chatter box at home. I was surprised 🙏same girl who doesn't talk and would always keep to herself in class.

I suggested that the mum talk to her at home. I also didsame

I will call the child and we sit together and I talk to her that she needs to talk in class and come to me if she needs to work with any material in the classroom

I never stopped discussing my observations with the mum over the phone 🙏🙏and sometimes if the child is with the mum, I ask to speak with her over

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the phone, I tell her that I need her to talk in class
as she talks at home.

One day I observed her working with another child, which she never did and she would come to me to ask to work with amaterial.

I had such a kid....5 year old and hasn't been talking in class since 4 years ago.......i told the management but didn't even tell the parents... Then I always give the kid a special handshake every morning even though....I acted like itwas normal and i give the others too....... Then most times the homework he's taking will have a colouringncreativeparttoit,alsototheothers
....... The kid didn't write in class for two terms even though..... Then towards the end of the second term..... He came and asked that he wanted to write....He ended up writing all he's missed in class since on his own... However you've

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to be careful............... Even when you're trying to
help this child.... you need not be obvious that one child is getting a special attention.....

I discussed with the mother and informed her that we will try various strategies to get him on board, reminding her that even if he talks and writes essays at home, it's what he does in school that he'll be graded.

Some kids are like that they don't show interest when it comes to learning. Let the child move over to another class. Don't keep him in that class. The fact that he doesn't show interest doesn't mean he is not getting anything. He is actually learning something and will manifest it soonest.

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Some children are like that. However in addition to
what has already been said you can monitor what the child is learning in class through the response he gives at home. Please don't hold his hands to write you're killing the child's initiative. He'll come round by and by.

you can also invite the parent and have a talk with them about the above. That will assure them you know what you are doing

You may also include audiovisual learning for such a child but let it not be the main means of learning. I believe children should be allowed to learn how to interact and communicate with their environment rather than being TV fed.

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Also remember that at that age their attention
span is very short almost directly proportional to their age e.g 2year olds have an attention span of 2minutes.

Find out from his parents what he does at home. You will be amazed that he acts out all that happens in school. I strongly believe learning is taking place. Always put into cognisance the age of the child. He is expected to play alot now that is his age. As he play, make sure educational games and toys are within his reach. Godbless

Try study him to know what he really likes I have a girl in my school like that who doesn't talk she will not even stand to go to toilet she does every right in the class on her body and she is 2yr plus. But we later discovered she love singing so we put every thing in singing

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and I've been doing a lot of research into this kind of issue. The truth is some children are special, they have special needs.

I had to start researching how to handle such children because most children I have taught my entire life falls into this category and they usually seem difficult but when the right approach is taking with them you'll besurprised.

The first step is to diagnose the child's condition. It could be Adhd, dxylesia or autism.
This doesn't mean the child is less better than others but his or her learning requires a totally different approach.

From, the statement above this seems to have ADHD, as he is hyperactive.
Kinesthetic teaching will help. What he can see, feel and hear will go a long way to help, let his/her learning be activity based. Use Sandpaper cards, or

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sand tray with him/her instead of the conventional
ways. Some simple Montessori method can help a lot.

Some kids are like that.
you need to be extra patient withhim
Ask the parents what he likes. And if he do recite rhymes or do some sketches athome.
When you have answers to question 2, then penetrate him throughthat.

It's not out of place that some toddlers do such. It'snormal.

Also don't be afraid that the parent will take his boy. Just educatethem.
It's just possible that if taken to other school he might be ready then and those people will take the 'glory'🙏.

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Butkeepatwhatyoudoanddoitwell. Ifone
goes God will reward you with more especially if you are faithful.

It is well.

There is nothing to panic about.
Invite the parents as earlier advised and assure them that the child has aprospect.
I had a similar case in my school. The parents of the child threatened Withdrawer, but I convinced them that the child was going to improve and do very well.

I promoted the child to the next class - kg1.
By the end of second term of that same session, the child improved drastically and became the best learner in his class.

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will definitely do well. He is gradually building momentum.

Some Children improve with age,take him to the next class,I think he will improve.Their must be an area you will dictate his best,encourage him more there and he will try to impress you in others.

Very interesting question, I think the child would come around in his own time and when he does he would grab de past, present and future. I had a child like that while in pre k, less than 2yrs old I never heard him talk until he got into kg one and now he is one of the best even surpass his mates.

Good morning Coach
I strongly believe that the boy is learning and gaining experience. The only thing is that he isn't ready yet for writing so he should be taken to the

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might start writing before next class.

Children differ in their rate of development however, one thing is sure, he is absorbing everything going on in his environment.
Within few months in the right environment, he will show everything he is taking in now and eventually climb to be one of the best in class.

I also don't see any reason to Invite his parents. Inviting them means there is a problem and we are not seeing any problem.

Some children are like that. Keeps to themselves in sch but outspoken at home. As the teacher you can help by giving him colourful scribbling, colouring of pictures and if the class is large for him to explore let him do so don't restrict him if he is seemingly

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stage he is now. He should catch up soon!

Likewise, sometimes they just need time. However no parent should make you feel incompetent when you are actually doing your duty. We'll just keep doing the right and God will crown our efforts.

True. The first step is get to find out the true state of the boy at home. What he loves doing. Ask the parents questions to figure out things , possibly do it with a Child care doctor 2ndly, a different form of teaching should be introduced. you could include visuals, outdoor teachings, more of psychomotor skills would help. Give him time , he will surprisingly comearound.

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admission, but he was meant to do summer first, so we discovered and asked the parents(both doctors). They denied anything was wrong with the boy. Huge for his age, very handsome but restless, shouts in class, throws tantrums and sometimes beats others in class. We invited a medical personnel, an external body in that field and the parent. They still insisted he was fine and never accepted the boy needs help. So we got a center for such, recommended to the parent. But they left the school, went somewhere else and ever since have been changingschool.

We are in the position to give some level to advise too if only the parents will be sincere.

if verified no issues at all(because in some cases, parents wont say the real thing), then there is work todo.

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Although there just has to be readiness for a child
going to nursery 1.
For me, there are procedures. There arecertain things a child should know or say. If he isnt saying anything in SIX MONTHS, please where is he going to? It means MORE WORK needs to be done on the boy.

It isnt fair to move on a child to a teacher that has no idea of this child and expect her to do great magic in one term.. Because truly she has one term to see to it that the child meets up with the others in that nursery class.. If the child cant settle in successfully that term, the preschool teachers have failedhim.

My take in this matter is, the present teacher should spend time making materials or searching for resources to define n develop his fine motor skill.involve the child in activities that are exciting.

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Who says you must learn with a pencil.. There are
options of sand tray, sand paper numbers(you can make), songs n rhymes..

Play with him alot n convert the pinching to tickling. Do outdoor play,, fishing/hunting/driving cars through numbers..

Do pretence play with letters n figure, i spygames. This child is home trained to play n watcht.v...
You have to convert paper work to board n marker.. Give him a mini white board n a marker, you get yours n practice on yours first, then practice with him.

Create a corner thats just 2 chairs faced to the wall with no side distractions..
Let him sometimes work there when you give him an activity that requires concentration..
Let him do art.

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Give homeworks that require colouring n have the
patents NOT HELP with the colouring but can direct

If your school doesn't do circle time, you have to have daily conversation with the boy when he comes to school. "how are you..did you sleep well at night... who brought you to school.. Is there something you want us to do together today....
Lets talk about what we saw when coming to school(you as the teacher should start first).
Its fantastic though when its done as a group at a particular time when all your kids are present.. Its a language building time out.. Some laugh some create their own stories... Try encourage it.. Its a 15-20 mins affair.. They all dance n sing n buggie it out together.. I never muss such moments with the kids.. I tell you, its a good languagebulider...
Involve ds kid, have him say something. Many times, let him sit next to you during ds time out

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Good morning life builders. I think of 2 things here
: 1)individual child's readiness for school work
,2)his personal perception of teachers in school as strangers. He may not be ready to relate with them yet. Nonetheless he is learning. Don't be discouraged. He will soon show up what has been internalized all this while.

Some kids are like that.
you need to be extra patient withhim
Ask the parents what he likes. And if he do recite rhymes or do some sketches athome.
When you have answers to question 2, then penetrate him throughthat

Good morning life builders you already have an idea of what he loves "play" approach learning from the point of play, for example you want him to trace number 1 you can put two dots one above and the other beneath and say something like a

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train is traveling down the rail chuku Chaka and
you move his hand slowly down the line. Summary just beinnovative

Age matters alot. If you have a child of such behavior so many factors maybe involved. Attention at home from parents, does he have older once who are of school age who are interested in doing their school work, applying playway method, colourful teaching aids,changing your regular class to

Take them out side

Might be helpful. With God's help you will get there. Make the child your friend

There is no need of inviting his parents, this makes them feel indeed there is a challenge with the boy. But if after entering Nur 1, he's still like that, there

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might be a need for the parents to be invited, fora
thorough investigation with SEN expert (after all necessary options have been looked at). Early intervention might help at this early stage. You know some parents can live in denial at this stage. So an expert in Edu Phycologist/SEN will help. My take.

[Gd morning coach I T, she should try other writing materials like slate(the modern one) have him write on the board, get sand in a long bowl and ask him to write on it. As for the Rhymes, use television with good sound system, get big ear piece and have him listen directly. He will surely respond

There some children who respond to learning with someone they feel at ease with. That should be verified. Another way to reach this child is to make

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him learn through playway method. This does not
stop him from moving to the next class but the teachers that would handle him in that class should be aware as well as his parents. Some children are also late bloomers so consistency is adviced so that when they finally mature all that has been taught will not belost.

Patrick Speech and Learning Centre, Remi Fani Kayode Street, Ikeja G.R.A, - centre for autism (certified). Have the child evaluated there, and see if it is something you can handle or kid needs a special needs school.

Good morning life builders. If you have confirmed that he doesn't have any speech impairment. I'm in support of this course of action. You can also introduce the child to activities thatwould

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improve his hand eye coordination. Follow thelink
below to read more.


It could be that the child is not ready.bcos there is readiness tolearn

you need 2 let the parent know what is called child readiness. Not all children are ready for writing or reading at the same time. Moreover we re talking abut 2yrs +, this particular child is not ready yet. That been said, you as an educator should not fold ur arms and keep saying that the child is not ready. You have to work around the interest of this child to achieve a lot. you mentioned the child been very playful, that is an area you can take advantage of. Try as much as possibletopresenthislessonsinaplayaway

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method. Look for methods that will catch his
attention. For example, my daughter was not just interested in writing early, and I was so disturbed cos the big sis did it so fast. One day, I got this inspiration of changing her writing materials. I changed the pen to colourful tiny markers. Come and see the eagerness, she wanna write with all the colours available Nd that WS how I managed to achieve that. So think of interesting activities based on his personality and it will yieldresult.

Work on identification now that it seem he is not ready for writing, so you have less to deal wit when he eventually decides towrite.

I agree with the first responder. The boy is just not ready. The school should also give him a microphone to play with because hearing his voice may trigger his interest. The writing may wait, he may love playing with water colors,stamping

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objects through identification. A lot of children in
that age group are like that. As long as he talks at home and the mother confirms that he retell some of the activities that was done in school. There is no problem.

Yes. I quite agree with above contributions. Color pens or crayons do a lot of magic in getting kids to write. So do sand or salt tray.

Salt tray might be dangerous o. Children might be licking and there is problem of salt toxicity. Sand. White sand always.

Very bright idea but please the salt tray should be avoided, rather put in the tray and alternative food that is not concentrated like salt or sugar...probably garri or yampowder.

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more dangerous.

I agree Ma, but the rate at which salt will be taken is not same with sand. All in all safety must be our watchword. Cheers

In addition get a whole lots of things like sand tray playdough etc . let me play with these stuff a lot. The boy is absorbing everything in his environment soon he will unfold but let me play meaningfully

I have a familiar case in my school, this one is up to 6years,while in school she will not write if you like use this whole method you know but when she get home everything taught in school will be downloaded for her parent.The mother confirmed this when we reported to her.In such situation what am I going to do.

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I had a similar problem few yearsback, werotate
four staff in the same class for one month doing different subjects, she responded well to one of them and do wrote some activities during his period.

Some children will pick up later on. If there are no underlying medical issues

But we notice she works better alone than a full class. At home they are fewer, but school is crowded for her. After some time they withdrew her to a new school with three pupils in her class and she improved

Some kids are complicated. We are all wired differently.
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That experience made us to divide the class in
cluters and individual coaching on some subjects like stories telling

Powdered biscuit does the magic or garri,some children are really playful.

It is very normal for 2+ to act this way. It takes time for them to build trust, it can take as long as 6m-1yr but once they do, you'd think the child was exchanged🙏

Just get the child involved in all activities (it's okay if the child remains passive and doesn't join in).
Introduce class activities whereby parents can join in e.g mum/dad taking over teaching or an activity, coming to read to the whole class etc.

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Try as much as possible to have the same familiar
face as the primary caregiver.
Do loads of learning through play (all children love to play). Scrap the holding of hands to write (it's an archaic way of learning to write), children love to write themselves, it makes them feel like independent 'adults'.
My 2 cents.

Dear poster, there is nothing special about the child in question. He is acting his age, you say 2+ . Your style of teaching is too fast for him. If he does not talk in school, it means he does not talk at home. A child at that age cannot pretend. He plays, smiles and is conscious of his environment, then he is a normal child. Allow him to develop at his own pace. All children can never be the same, they all develop differently, probably you are comparing him with other children, no, let him do his thing. Just love him and guide him, you will be surprised wiith his future achievements. Explainto

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theparents, youallshouldgivetheboytimeand
you will all be glad you did. Good luck.

The child is still at his formative stage, innovative learning should be adopted.
Use his interest to make him useful.
If you don't somebody somewhere will be willing to and the parents want value.
They trust you and believe that you are experienced enough to handle thesituation.
He could be a slow learner as well. Just don't give up

I agree that readiness of a child should be taken into consideration. I have had similar cases and I don't get bothered again. When it was time for them to respond,they responded beyond our expectations. One behaved exactly like a case mentioned above, not talking in the class, looking everywhere apart from his book, splashing the

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yam flour everywhere, etc. I was initiallydisturbed
but one day, he was on his own and I heard him sounding letters, reciting poems, etc. I left him to continue but when I couldn't control myself, I shouted for joy, carried him up and the whole school started singing for him. He was beaming and just laughing. Since then he opened up. He is in nursery two now but competes with basic one pupils.

I have been using him as a case study anywhere I give lectures and some other ones

A child may not be ready but that does not mean he or she is not listening. As long as the child does not cry anytime he sees book, he just needs time. But unfortunately, time is not want theparents need.

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God will continue to crown our efforts with

Have a nice day, great educators

Ideally, there should be no repetition of class in Early Years( Nursery). The child may not be talking but he/she is learning. I once had a child like that who wasn't talking both at home and at school. Medical reports said she was just fine. The mother was worried sick since that was her first child. This girl will not even sit in class. She was so good at drawing that when others were learning to write she will be drawing on the board. She makes sounds but nothing coherent. The first time she said my name in class I almost cried. Mine was the first name she called🙏. She called me Juwie instead of Miss Julie that others will call me. She was 3 years old when she said my name. But this same child turned out a great speaker. She's sevenyears

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old now and speaks queensEnglish! Theymoved
to Lagos but I kept in touch to monitor her progress. People in her new school thought she came from abroad because of the way she speaks. Everything that was internalized from cartoon and music videos are now manifesting.
Give him time and love, he will bloom at his own time.

Children are wired differently and they learn differently too. I will share a personal experience I had years back with my first child.

He was also 2+ and in kg 2 at the time, he was not talking in class and was not also active in class.
I told the headteacher to let him repeat because I could see he just wasn't ready.
He repeated the class and I never regretted taking that decision.

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He is doing great now, independent and a fast
thinker. He represents his school in different competitions.

What I'm trying to say in earnest is that every child is unique and the teacher with the support of the parents should work out what is best for the child and not what they have in plan for the child.

That child is actually learning,but he is not showing it to the teacher. The teacher should fine a way and be more friendly and firm withthe child. Since the child loves playing some activities should be done outside the classroom and the child should be given some task to do while playway method is being used toteach.

I have a five year old who is so full of fear when you hand him a pencil or a book. He knows all the

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building blocks, word families, flash cards. When he gets it today tomorrow he's forgotten everything. I even tried rote. He still doesn't know much. Same applies to numeracy andliteracy.
Then he is very prankish. Plays a lot of ingenious pranks in the school bus!
The parents are real worried and so am I.

My opinion to that ,is that you should summon the parents & decipher .what it cherishes if they ar what you can provide charitably you do so but if not task the parents if both cannot provide improvise .work more on making the person feel at home .permit the person to have much time to play in the school but when it starts to follow start to reduce its play moment gradually till the person start to follow normal school programme attentively&actively.NBItdemandsforpatience

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& love to bring the person in order not with apt &
profession. Thanks.

Children are wired differently and they learn differently too. I will share a personal experience I had years back with my first child.
He was also 2+ and in kg 2 at the time, he was not talking in class and was not also active in class.
I told the headteacher to let him repeat because I could see he just wasn't ready.
He repeated the class and I never regretted taking thatdecision.
He is doing great now, independent and a fast thinker. He represents his school in different competitions.
What I'm trying to say in earnest is that every child is unique and the teacher with the support of the parents should work out what is best for the child and not what they have in plan for the child.

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That child is actually learning,but he is not
showing it to the teacher. The teacher should fine a way and be more friendly and firm withthe child. Since the child loves playing some activities should be done outside the classroom and the child should be given some task to do while playway method is being used toteach.

Some children would not cooperate well till they are 3 years. Follow the suggestions and wait patiently. Assure the parents too. Shalom!!!

This no repetition in early years how do you handle kids who can't do a particular work they are suppose to early years? You just keep moving them on? I usually encourage some kids who can't meet up with the minimum task to stay back. Because there is where my pre nurseryteacher

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starts from. I find it difficult just keep moving
everybody like that, it does not help for coordination. Some parent complain and go and I wish them well. In a school there is where each class can start, so just allowing everybody in a class is difficult to manage or how do you guys do it?

Discover the type of learner he is.

We have different kinds of learners. A pattern of teaching can't cover all learners.

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Question 2
Good morning All,Please kindly enlightened me about this situation.A girl of 6years came for admission in my school and thinking of herage
,she is meant to be in Year 1 but the parent want her to write exams for year 4 because they claim she is exceptional.After the exams she scores 60%.However,her chronolgical age is not for the class accordingly to British curriculum that we are using.After several advise the parents still insist but because its a new school we want her but also thinking of other parent.kindly advise on way forward greateducators.

Age 6, to be in year 4? Be sincere with them, it is not professionally right for the child. She might score more than 60 % but you 'll get to know soonest that she won't cope well with the challenges of the class thereby, making the parents blame you later for all. If they really love their
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child, convince them with the truth you know,
though you need population. You' 'll end up 'packaging her in year

How can a 6year old be in year 4??? Doing what there? She will end you posing a problem to the teacher and classmates because she's not emotionally and psychologically ready for theclass
. she can only be managed into year 2. Year Four is a no-brainer at all. It won't work in the long run. As an.educationist, you need to talk the parebuts into.understanding how these things work. It takes more than Just academic performance. There's a lot more involved. My humbleopinion.

Hmmm! Some kids could be exceptional but you should let them also know that apart from the academics there are other areas that need development,Like mentally, Emotionally,etc . If I were to be in your shoe, the highest class I would

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send that child to is grade 2. Maintain the standard
and policy of your school now that is new don't let parents toss you about. My opinion

It's time we stop this, 6years old in year 4? What is she doing there? Please let her go! Let educators get up and stop this nonsense. That girl should be in year 1.

Some Children improve with age,take him to the next class,I think he will improve.Their must be an area you will dictate his best,encourage him more there and he will try to impress you in others.

Good morning Coach

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I strongly believe that the boy is learning and
gaining experience. The only thing is that he isn't ready yet for writing so he should be taken to the next class when the time comes. Who knows he might start writing before next class.

A child age 6 has no business in grade 3, let alone 4.
You can encourage her parents to allow her begin from grade 2 and then monitor her progress from there.
Sending her to 4 will put her and her teachers under undue pressure.
if they insist, let them go, more than you being a new school, you ought to have a standard that guides your decision. You will get more parents who will work with you and respect your policy.
Education is alot more than getting high scores in maths and English.
My humble opinion

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#Questiontime Dear Life Builder...

Can't thank you enough for your support and how you facilitate conversation on the platform...

Thanks for turning this platform to an invaluable Asset...

Here is today's Question

To give or not to give School Bills at inquiry ..

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This conversation came up yesterday in one of our community

A school owner talked about other School Owners coming to Spy on Her and Also Get her bills.

In her words here was how she put it….

I'm grateful for this, we are less than a year, doing our own thing

they(competitors ) keep coming for Enquiry, spying our creativity

trying to take pictures and getting bills, initially I thoughttheywereintendingparentsbutwhenI

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reach out to do follow up, their tones tell me
otherwise, one even asked me "what exactly are
you telling those who register in that your school

some become insulting while some justkeep cutting the call once they hear who's calling and I'm wondering what their problem is as I've not sent anyone to spy them nor go there myself,

time isn't sufficient for that. I'm just thinking of stopping giving out our bills until we are sure the child registration is for real or put up an enquiry form at a charge?

Here is a comment to the question above

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I have long ago stopped giving out bills The process is:
Fill out an enquiry form - verydetailed

We send you the bill via the e-mail you drop. If you don't have an e-mail, errrrmmmmm I don't know🙏 Maybe that already rules you out (that's not a pride statement, it's just that we've cut cost on use of paper, everything goes in parentsmail)

So here is my Question…

In your school how do you handle such…

Help me out please

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Good morning coach, personally I won't stop giving
bills,giving out bill doesn't matter, you HV taught us to be focused on standing out than watching our competitors,let them ask for bill, if is not us it can be us,even if you don't give bill,there are parents already in ur school that can tell them,so why give worry aboutthem?

They can always find out the bills from other sources like parents in the school or something. So for me no big deal. How do I know genuine enquiry from spies? I don't think it will change anything.

Good morning teacher IT. Good morning fellow life builders. For me I won't stop giving either. What will be will be! Like chinasa said,they can get the bill from parents already in school.

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my school, is because I am the best in my environment..... so they can keep coming.... it has much more to do with the bills (though I must confess, when I moved to that area and decided you wanted to start my school, I had to go round all the schools to get their bills so you can be able to cast an average, it's called market research survey in business planning and management) or the buildings, it's inside us. They even copy our newsletter...

Good morning tutor I.T and fellow life builders. Whether you give out school bills or not, those who believe in what you offer will be your clients. Espionage is a part of business. That you didn't do it and probably never intend to does not make it a 'sin' inbusiness

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My advice is you remain focused. Give out bills.
God bless you

At S.A. school, we do warm welcome to all visitors that came for enquiry about our school.

We have stop giving out our school bills, parents aside intended school owner do gather sch bills to form their decision and it may not favour.

We are in a world full of spy, it's not every of your asset that you can disclose to the public since you have competitors.

Hnmmmmmm! Never thought about the spy part. We give out bills but am thinking henceforth we wld tell them the amount and collect their number for follow up.

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I do this before but not anymore....in my area,
they start parking bills to compare prices.

Well for me , we still give our bills but that is after discussions which includes some questioning.

In my school, the bill is attached to the prospectus/ admission form and can only be gotten upon payment for admission form which is 15k. If you decide not to enroll your child and are only interested in the bill, then you have paid forit

Thank you very much for your mentoring.

How can one pay for form without enquiring about the fee? Some parents would like to know if the price range is what they can afford. What then do you tell those ones?

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Nice one but it depends on your area too. It could
be a turn off too

Exactly! In my area for parents to come to ur school means they like the school so coming is to inquire abut the fees to see if they can afford it or not

My Opinion, I will give out BILLS to parents n even my rivals or competitors. I will continue to focus on my philosophies, policies, parents, teachers and facilities to do better. Spying is normal. One of my philosophies is,No attack, No Defence! No matter the means of sending bills to parents, rivals we get it.

This is what we were brainstorming abut since Monday, I'm yet to think it thr but the instruction I gave yesterday was dt they should not giveout

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billsbut just verbal range not precise amount.Just
tell dm it is affordable.

Today's issue is a very big concern to me. I have tried to figure out the most appropriate way to stop this but alas it did not work.

I just trust God to make me the best for others to copy.

Behold! God answered my prayer the moment I joined this group; and drinking Itunu's early morning coffee.

My prayer is that Teacher Itunu, you will not run dry in Jesus name. Amen!

There is nothing we can do to competition. Personally I believe competition is a ginger it takes complacency out of you as an entrepreneur. Talkif

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any business, competition makesmehave driveto
move on. Of course, there are times I feel so weighed down but once Im able to encourage myself... I move on thinking of new strategies.

Life builder if you refuse to give out the bills remember that the parents of your students have friends they can get the bill from them.l give them bill after questioning

Personally I don't see anything wrong with giving bills or any other information for that matter. Like teacher IT had said in another post, there's always that one thing about your school that cannot be copied. Some people copy everything down to uniforms but still struggle to measure up content wise. Photocopy cannot be the same as original.

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and add to what they have to create a unique content.

You can give the fee without doing a breakdown. For example if I say my fee is 150k, you can't get the breakdown unless you apply.

think you're right to give a bill without breakdown. Also if you know that you know that you know you're good you won't be concerned about people spying on you.

Exactly! You cannot eliminate competition. Let them copy and continue to up your game.

That's the basic truth. Let them spy, it can only be acarboncopybutneveroriginal.Lifeisabout

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competition, in fact a close friend of mine has been
singing I want to open a school, so what's that? Competition, is everywhere

Good morning house, in my school, we don't give bills on enquiry. The first process is to obutain our form, then your child or ward is tested. It is from here that our discussion starts.
Some will tell you to give them an idea of our fees but we tell them we are affordable. You find out that such people won't come back again.
Schools do this often by sending their teachers to pretend as if they are prospective parents to get information and bill. Some even go as far as asking for your scheme.

I used to be careful about giving out bills, but I later realized that not giving it out could stop genuine people from joining us. Parents move around schools when they want to make a school placement decision, I have found out thatsome

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collect bills from various schools, then when they
get home, they discuss about the features and impressions of all schools visited, while also comparing bills in relation to the perceived value of theschools.

I check the bills of some other schools that offer similar value to ours too in order to know what is going on in the market and to also be able to charge parents fairly. Knowing the bills of these schools also helps to talk to parents intelligently because some want to under price you or 'do shakara' sometimes; but with the right information, you can tell them that school XXX's development levy is higher than ours but we offer same value or even better value. I have seen parents become quiet when challenged with such facts. However, I do not allow the person I send to get bills to lie or be cunning when trying to get the bills. Just go straight to the point, "i"ll like to have

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your Year 1 bill". If the person is given, fine, if not,
so be it. It's not a do or die affair. It just helps to be abreast of market trends.

So, we also give our bills freely to people but mostly via e-mail.

If the school is still at its baby stage ( less than two years), you can't afford to adopt secretive measures in handling enquiries lest some genuine intending and sensitive parents become discouraged and may even badmouth you to others. Be conscious of the fact that different types of people will come for enquiries andget ready for them. One of the things you can do is make sure you ask intelligent questions that can easily help you know who they are and be very observant of their verbal and non-verbal language as they reply you and move within your premises. Some people give clues as to who they areand

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what their intentions are without realizing it when
they are intelligently probed.

keeping your school bill secretive will equally makes one to join the competition race as mentioned by Inspirator Itunu last week. My major edge is in my "Unique Selling Points"

in fact for any parents that come to make enquiries, i give them the bill for all the classes. with the mindset of using them as free markers.

I like your style o. "Unique selling point" is the focus. Nobody can steal that from you. Even when the competitors have idea of what you intend to do, they don't have the "implementation strategy". Having idea is one thing, implementing the idea to achieve success isanother.

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rate Free bills is one part of the risk because of the advantage of marketing what you've got and the disadvantage of falling into wrong hands

This is very important when it's not an old school that need togrowEven an old school may have an innovation to sell or showcase to the public However the cautiouswordhere is " WISDOM" in the choice of action When and How it should be doneconsidered

Again the INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY and the UNIQUENESS of the school is always improved upon...

Well done our teachers Teacher🙏I do give bill at the point of enquiry, but am just discerning, I give it out discriminately.'I dey lookface'

Yes,that's what we do also, we release our bill when we are sure that they aregenius.

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No matter how much spying people do, nothing
will change. You have what you have.

I used to do that too on enquiry then I discovered that some parents go about collecting school bills for comparism before taking decision or making their school choice, so I stopped it.Now when parents come to make enquiries about our payments, we just read it to them, and some write it down while others dont.Is it ok?

It's OK. We also use hand to write it out for them

There are some enquiry that are very painful if they don't turn up, especially if the kids are up to 3 to 4 at atime

My take on it. If somebody come to spy on you, it shows you have are valued, you have stuff, you

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have quality, you standout, keep yourintellectual
property but tell them about your fee.

If it is fee, they can easily get that from any parent in the school.

What you should not let loose is what makes your school to be unique.

I will ask anybody here that when you were about to start your school, did you also spy on the other schools by sending or going there to get their fees.

We all do it or did it. So cherish that somebody is doing it for you.

Some school owners will disguised as parents to get info for different classes so .....

I agree with you. It doesn't matter how much spying is done, the important thing is that what

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makes your school unique remains. That is what
you should guard jealously. Do fees make a school unique? Aren't fees already known? Actually, those folks don't come for fees. They come to see your environment and to see how you complete your inquiry process - the grammar, the comportment, the office, the school facilities etc. How do you stopthat?

Great and beautiful morning life builders. Life itself is copy cat. There are lots of downloads on the internet. Copy and past. No matter how you copy, originality still remains yours. There must be process and procedure for enquiries.

Bills should be after forms are purchased, entrance exams. At the point of admission, bills should go alongside admission letter.

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HowcanI payfor admissionand takeentrance
exam when I don't know how much I will be paying? What of after all that I can afford the school? As a parent, I must know the fees first. I need to cross check with my pocket. I went round schools, I was looking for certain qualities and affordability was certainly a factor.

Thank you sir. Does entrance exams also apply to us who operate nursery and primary? We admit anybody that makes enquiry. Competition is so much that it's difficult to reject any candidates

Uphold your culture. What works for A' may not work for B'.
What is your process for admission. School fees is not the first step. Thanks

There should be screening excercise no matter the level of competition. It gives you where to place a pupil except if he is starting from pre-nursery

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Intending parents need to know your bill as it is a
major part of their decision process. For me, I don't think it's a problem because you need parents who can afford to pay their fees therefore they should know how much you charge. I would not return to a school that withholds it's fee breakdown cos I feel it is inferiority complex on the part of the school. Why bother about others spying on your fee if you know yourvalue?

Some mothers would even need to take the bills to their husband's before a decision can be made.

I went to a school once with the intention of changing my kids school and was told that I would need to pick up the form before their fee breakdown would be given to me. I was so disgusted and never returned. My personal opinionthough.

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Are you saying people will not know how much
fees they will pay before starting?

True talk.we all are looking up to a particular school we want to look like. As for me I look up to great schools with high standard,look at their weaknesss and strength before taking decisions just stand out.

What we do is that we give you a verbal fee summary termly if you come for enquiry but ifvu buy our form you get a hard copy of our fees

No big deal abut fees for me. Almost asked yesterday on this forum if we can mention our fees on here just to cmpare notes.

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Indiscipline should not be tolerated because we
want to pamper parents, ur good work will always stand tall for you so set ur standard with a loving heart, I'm sure they will know you for it. I know of a private sch who will not accept any one with less than 60% into their JS 1 and you will see parents begging to have their children there why? bcos they have standard. So in all we do let's stand for the best and if parents will leave bcos you are trying to inculcate punctuality in their children, I can assure you they will come back for ur excellent service.

Gud a.m all. I give my bill verbally to any one that comes for enquiries but once I noticed ur seriousness I give out the breakdown, knowing fully that no matter what ,we can't have sch run the same way, we are all unique in our ways. No one can take what you have inside of u.
How do you handle an 8year old who is very interested in designing clothes?

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Hello life builders, what should one do if a parent
suddenly comes to retrieve her ward's books from the school and telling lies that they are relocating when they are not?

My dear colleague there is nothing that you will do but to give in to the request as long as the parent is not owingyou.

There is no prefect school anywhere on earth. So no matter what you do to satisfy parents. A few will still fine fault with all the effort you make.

Once you analyse and see that the people going are not even up to 10% and you have 20% and above enrolling. It means you are scoring anA.
So no worries.

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That's my humble way of looking at this matter.
Well said

What you said is right but our yesterday morning coffee told us that we are not COMPETING BUT we are DOMINATING, Let them compare, whatever they do THE EYE IS ALWAYS BE AT THE FRONT THANKS

It's no big deal.

It's me too commodities that compete on prices.

My school bill is public. It's with the gateman, with the security guards, and on the notice board.

Let those who came to get the bill finish their mission with the gateman at thegate.

The school bill is on the Facebook page and will be on the website when it's up.

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Education is not a commodity. Classroom experience can't be copied. Commitment can't be copied.
Attention to each child can't be copied. Memory enhancement tools can't be copied.
And the way we get our JS1 students to speak French on their own in one term, speakEnglish with standard Hollywood accent, how do you copy that?

Who wants our fees here?

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Well said ..The idea of giving out bills at inquiry is
not what i give out in my school Just like that ,but registration form/enquiry form is a must if a parent wish to come in....I send the bill through email.. I also do personal follow up,...but what the child get in term of standards ,creativity, etiquette and Godly instruction..will help us here..@cleverhubhome

School bill should be not given at point inquiry. Bcos you are not sure if that person will come back to your school. The only criteria for that when such person has purchase the admission form, filled and return it to school. Then the total bill would given out. If they walk away after submitting the form the school stand to loose nothing. This is my my opinion.

I do give detailed bill on inquiry. Most will tell you that their husbands want to see thedetails.

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However, half of these inquiries end up being
competitors. Although I have tried to ignore these cheap strategy (spying), I intend to make a little shift. I plan to make the school Form go for a price and will give details after the Form is purchased. May be it will slow down the spies.

I have for each class, so I ask for your child"s class and give you only the fees for that class. If they demand for all then I know they are competitors.
Separating the bills for each class is better......some of the competitors always use some of the parent in the school to get the bill as well.

In my own school, I give them the bill not minding whether you are competitors or parents. The good thing is that I try to be creative and innovative always, I dont care whoever you are as a competitor, I am a Lion to them. So whenthey

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spied and copy my ideas I come out in another
more creative way, they can never be me. I even have a school at a stone throw to me that always spy on whatever I do through some of my parents but I tell you she is already tired of spying me bcs she can never be me. So my candid advice, try to come out new and always be creative. They will gettired.

To me I will say forget the spies. Somebody must be copied, it's good you are the one being copied. Photocopy and original are never the same.

Now if you insist that prospective parents must buy sch form before they know the sch feesdetails
, it may put some people off and you lose customers .

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Bills can not hide. Be truthful about ur bill. If there
is an incentive or scheme on the bill make it open. Schools coming for ur school will not change what you HV to offer. From mine own point of let ur bills be transparent and truthful.

Infact my own bill is pasted on the board inside the secretary's office,but we can never give out a copy,so its either the person copies or whatever....after all they come to spy because you always have something to offer.

it's normal to ask for the bill of a school you intend to send your child. You need to know if you can afford the bill. People will always copy and besides if you are not doing well nobody will want to copy. Just work at building your school, pray and believe God.

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You are right. A friend opened her school some
years back and another friend of ours went ahead to copy everything, but the amazing thing was that since it was not her vision after some time the copy cat closed down theschool.

You must stay focused to your vision

You must be innovative because it is your passion.

Ignore them ( copiers) and keep growing your passion and dreams.

Hmm. This is reality. Though sad that some persons can't think through or at least make an effort to beoriginal.

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Well, before now I give out bills to every one
hoping you have a huge turnout only yo find out they are school owners. Either we meet at Napps meeting or elsewhere. While some ask their friends or family members to comeask.

I just ask the holy spirit to guide me and see through the serious ones. When a prospect comes. I give you total of the bills. When you ask for break down I tell you its in the form when you purchase or pay for the form all the details and more you find inside

Then if I perceive a sign of seriousness and in a good mood. I will write the fee and sometimes I say it to their face that it wouldn't be fair if they werespies.

Because I am too open to tell you everything if you say you wish to start a school and need guidelines.

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I had one that came to register the child forcreche
and prenursery and opened her school. Every detail s up to visitors form she copied word for word except my school name. Brought samples of toys that she wants to sell for us to choose and ended up mounting our choice in her newschool.
Give bills as you are led. At least for talking. Let them get the form first with this, they either leave or return if they are sincere.



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